'Hey no. 10! Do it right!' He yelled at me. I was called as a no.10 in Army training camp. The people called my name were only my friends here. We helped each other to go through hard training sessions and had special bond. Even we don't know each other very well. That didn't matter as long as we stay together. Especially I had a close friendship with number 9 whose name is Kim Jinsu. He is a good guy from same province of my hometown.
It was a dark rainy day. I was still tired from the former training sessions. I slightly hoped that our first planned armed march is postponed while packing my gear. My hands started to become sweaty with a little bit of nervousness toward the new training I never experience before.
We gathered at the drill ground. Soon later, armed march was started. At the beginning the weight of kits was bearable. I thought that I can finish with any problem. But after one and half hour later, things changed. The weight of rifle started pressing my shoulder, and the heavy kits began squashing my back. Even my boots got soaked and heavier. My walking became slower and slower. My buddy no. 9 noticed that I was exhausted. "Hey. Are you doing alright?" "Yes, I am alright." With heavy breathing out, I answered. I kept walking. I can't think about anything but giving up.
At the moment I thought I can't do anymore. I felt my heavy kits became a little bit lighter. My friends supported it with his hands. I was really surprised. Even he was carrying heavy weight as same as mine. He was tried to help me out. "You don't need to do this. I think I can handle my own." "Yes, I know but you look a little bit exhausted." I asked him to stop. But I was really moved and motivated enough to finish this march. Eventually I finished it. I thought I can't have done it without his help.
This experience taught me that how hard work I do or wherever I am the thing really matters is the people around you. If there are friends or people around me to support and encourage, I can go through anything.
What I like about this piece of writing is your strong bond between you and your friend.
ReplyDeleteYour main point seems to be that if there are people cheering for you, you could do anything beyond your ability. I really felt sympathy as I read your writing. Because it reminded me of my thankful experience like yours.
Particular sentences struck me is 'The weight of rifle started pressing my shoulder, and the heavy kits began squashing my back.'. You described what you felt so well that I could feel as if I had been in your shoes.
But there is one thing I want to recommend to make up. As I read your writing, I became curious about current relationship between you and your friend. If you add some story of keeping in touch with your friend after military duty, you could be more persuasive in emphasizing bond.
2nd Draft
ReplyDelete‘Hey no. 10! Do it right!’ He yelled at me. I was called as a no.10 in Army training camp. The people called my name were only my friends here. We helped each other to go through hard training sessions and had special bond. Even we don’t know each other very well. That didn’t matter as long as we stay together. Especially I had a close friendship with number 9 whose name is Kim Jin Su. He is a good guy from same province of my hometown.
It was a dark rainy day. I was still tired from the former training sessions. I slightly hoped that our first planned armed march is postponed while packing my gear. My hands started to become sweaty with a little bit of nervousness toward the new training I never experience before.
We gathered at the drill ground. Soon later, armed march was started. At the beginning the weight of kits was bearable. I thought that I can finish without any problem. But after one and half hour later, things changed. The weight of rifle started pressing my shoulder, and the heavy kits began squashing my back. Even my boots got soaked and heavier. My walking became slower and slower. My buddy no. 9 noticed that I was exhausted. “Hey. Are you doing alright?” “Yes, I am alright.” With heavy breathing out, I answered. I kept walking. I can’t think about anything but giving up.
At the moment I thought I can’t do anymore. I felt my heavy kits became a little bit lighter. My friends supported it with his hands. I was really surprised. Even he was carrying heavy weight as same as mine. He was tried to help me out. “You don’t need to do this. I think I can handle my own.” “Yes, I know but you look a little bit exhausted.” I asked him to stop. But I was really moved and motivated enough to finish this march. Eventually I finished it. I thought I can’t have done it without his help.
This experience taught me that how hard work I do or wherever I am the thing really matters is the people around you. If there are friends or people around me to support and encourage, I can go through anything.