An old wound of a lady
"Can we please stop this?" said she, my auntie, seeming to be fighting hardly back the tears, right after I got both of her depressed look and her answer to the question about her later life as a single mother after her divorce.
She isn't actually my real, I mean, bloodgiven aunt, but she has been more than that ever since I was born, building a relationship with my mum entitled as "a best friend".
She used to work together with my mum at a judicial scrivener office since their twenties and also coincidentally, has been living in our neighbourhood. So she used to take the place of my mum, whenever she wasn't able to take her responsibility for her role as one's mother, such as being on duty as a snack lady on the field day, because of her office businesses. (She kind of quit her job for several personal reasons later then, such as her marriage, so was she able to help in my mum's childcare.)
"I got married to a man who has been literally one and only male in my life a bit later than those at the age of me. I… had loved him and sort of devoted myself to support him with his daily necessaries at least for 10 years by sacrificing my precious youth, believing in him and hoping that someday I would get married to him like for ever and ever." so she cleared her throat and started to open her lips, as I first brought up my request whether she would allow me to interview her. She continued with her bitter smile, "I had arranged all the wedding gifts including the wedding ring and purchased the house, of course the furniture, too. Even though all the people surrounding me including my parents were absolutely opposed to my decision, I got married him, because I loved him so much that all the sayings 'one cannot love and be wise' and 'everyone gets blinded when loving', looking back now, could be just all mine." She somehow seemed as if she was still longing for those sole love hours in that she believed to be truly loved.
Shortly after her marriage, however, she had figured out that her husband were looking elsewhere than her and acting irresponsibly for their marital life. All of sudden, she had become to have a baby, but still, her husband's irresponsibility got even worse day by day. He used to work at an interior company then, but it was just an edgy result after a journey of numerous resignations. With no consideration as a breadwinner, he had kept quitting his job only if there was anything unsatisfactory related his occupational environment such as co-workers or off hours. Another resignation, then his announcement of setting up his own business. All the capital had to be raised by her and thereby she had lent out the money from her friends and surrounders. "I had done it to keep my love and marriage. At that moment, I thought that kind of decision would resolve the problems at hand, the one best way. Not a moment had I considered of a divorce with him in the beginning, because if I would've, at that moment, I thought I would become a nonperson not only among the family members but also in the society. I know how awful and foolish I was." She rattled off without a break, staring at muffins on the table that I brought for her from one of my favourite cafés. "But, you know what, I had to break out of this vicious circle. Not only for myself, but also for our… no, MY baby, the reason I live. I had sued for divorce and then there was such a long, chocking time. I still don't understand why he didn't agree with that, even though he had showed me his mind being somehow sick of me by fooling around with other women."
Everything related to the divorce suit, mercifully, went very well for her and she also was awarded custody of her daughter, too. However, earning a livelihood as a single mother after her divorce, particularly in
"I had even opened and managed this little cart bar once, because for almost every employer, doesn't matter what kind of company I applied for, I was just an unlooked-for employee. Well, I truly had learned a lot that even money can't buy by undergoing those trials. Those have become kind of solid rocks in my deepest inside and then driving forces for being one's qualified mother. I don't reproach him or regret of all kinds of decisions, that I made back then and up to now, anymore. And you know what? All of them at those moments do belong to me, which means, repenting of those moments leads to injuring my own prestige and myself. For one reason or another, a matter of the most importance is that I'm really satisfied with my current life and it even brings me joy everyday." So did she seem to want to conclude by saying this. I didn't say any more, rather threw my hands in with typing and expressed my appreciation for the interview by hugging her to the top of my bent. (And it was actually not just my appreciation but also my sorry for everything she had to endure so far and deep admiration of her, of course.)
What I like most about your draft is the itroduction. It is very impressive with the direct quotation, "Can we please stop this?", which makes me wonder what this draft is all about.
ReplyDeleteI don't think there is any place where I cannot understand well; I think you stated your idea very clearly.
I think the most important idea is that she was brave enough to tell you what she's been through. In addition, tha fact that she managed to carry on with her child even after those harsh things is an also important part that you've learned during the interview.
Like I said, the first quotation of your draft is very effective. The direct quotation did fully attract my attention making me want to read more about it.
Your conclusion is still good. I think you finished your draft by letting readers think about it more. However, I think if you include your own thought about what she's been through, it would be as good as your original draft.
What I liked about your essay is that it is well organized. You drew the audience's attention by using auntee's quote in the begning part of your writing.
ReplyDeleteThere were some parts that weren't as clear as the others. At the bottom of paragraph 5,there is a line "pretending as being deaf and blind, only for her daughter". I don't get its meaning. Does she pretended deaf and blind to get helps from the society?
I think the thesis statement of your writing is the sad love story of your auntee. It gives us some kind of lessons about love, especially marriage.
"I had arranged all the wedding gifts including the wedding ring and purchased the house, of course the furniture, too. Even though all the people surrounding me including my parents were absolutely opposed to my decision, I got married him, because I loved him so much that all the sayings 'one cannot love and be wise' and 'everyone gets blinded when loving', looking back now, could be just all mine."
Your quotations were not too much nor too little. I think you used right amount of quotes and they helped me understand better.
Maybe you can try reading your essay out aloud and fix the sentences that aren't really clear to you. After all, your organization and contents are very good and I think the only thing you can fix would be punctuation.
An old wound of a lady - FINAL DRAFT
ReplyDelete“Can we please stop this?” Said she, my auntie, seeming to be fighting hardly back the tears, right after I got both of her depressed look and her answer to the question about her later life as a single mother after her divorce.
She isn’t actually my real, I mean, bloodgiven aunt, but she has been more than that ever since I was born, building a relationship with my mum entitled as “a best friend”.
She used to work together with my mum at a judicial scrivener office since their twenties and also coincidentally, has been living in our neighbourhood. So she used to take the place of my mum, whenever she wasn’t able to take her responsibility for her role as one’s mother, such as being on duty as a snack lady on the field day, because of her office businesses. (She kind of quit her job for several personal reasons later then, such as her marriage, so was she able to help in my mum’s childcare.)
“I got married to a man who has been literally one and only male in my life a bit later comparing to those at the age of me. I… had loved him and sort of devoted myself to support him with his daily necessaries at least for 10 years by sacrificing my precious youth, believing in him and hoping that someday I would get married to him like for ever and ever.” So she cleared her throat and started to open her lips, as I first brought up my request whether she would allow me to interview her. She continued with her bitter smile, “I had arranged all the wedding gifts including the wedding ring and purchased the house, of course the furniture, too. Even though all the people surrounding me including my parents were absolutely opposed to my decision, I got married him, because I loved him so much that all the sayings ‘one cannot love and be wise’ and ‘everyone gets blinded when loving’, looking back now, could be just all mine.” She somehow seemed as if she was still longing for those sole love hours in that she believed to be truly loved.
Shortly after her marriage, however, she had figured out that her husband was looking elsewhere than her and acting irresponsibly for their marital life. All of sudden, she had become to have a baby, but still, her husband’s irresponsibility got even worse day by day. He used to work at an interior company then, but it was just an edgy result after a journey of numerous resignations. With no consideration as a breadwinner, he had kept quitting his job only if there was anything unsatisfactory related his occupational environment such as co-workers or off hours. Soon an another resignation, then his announcement of setting up his own business. All the capital had to be raised by her and thereby she had lent out the money from her friends and surrounders.
“I had done it to keep my love and marriage. At that moment, I thought that kind of decision would resolve the problems at hand, the one best way. Not a moment had I considered of a divorce with him in the beginning, because if I would’ve, at that moment, I thought I would become a nonperson not only among the family members but also in the society. I know how awful and foolish I was.” She rattled off without a break, staring at muffins on the table that I brought for her from one of my favourite cafés. “But, you know what, I had to break out of this vicious circle. Not only for myself, but also for our… no, MY baby, the reason I live. I had sued for divorce and then there was such a long, chocking time. I still don’t understand why he didn’t agree with that, even though he had showed me his mind being somehow sick of me by fooling around with other women.”
ReplyDeleteEverything related to the divorce suit, mercifully, went very well for her and she also was awarded custody of her daughter, too. However, earning a livelihood as a single mother after her divorce, particularly in Korea, seemed to be not going in order. There were problems everywhere. She had to go through all sorts of hardships, such as those prejudices of others and thereout coming occurrences, in the process of resuming her work for living and even after, pretending as being deaf and blind, only for her daughter.
“I had even opened and managed this little cart bar on the street once, because for almost every employer, doesn’t matter what kind of company I applied for, I was just either an unlooked-for employee or a plaything.” She indomitably refused to recount it minutely, but continued into a bit different alley with a significant nod. “Well, I truly had learned a lot that even money can’t buy by undergoing those trials. Those have become kind of solid rocks in my deepest inside and then driving forces for being one’s qualified mother. I don’t reproach him or regret all kinds of decisions that I’ve made from back then up to now, anymore. And you know what? All of them at those moments do belong to me, which means, repenting of those moments leads to injuring my own prestige and myself.” My auntie, then held my hands, wearing her genial smile and added, “For one reason or another, a matter of the most importance is that I’m really satisfied with my current life and it even brings me joy everyday.” So did she seem to want to conclude by saying this. I didn’t say any more, rather threw my hands in with typing and expressed my appreciation for the interview by hugging her to the top of my bent. And it was actually not just my appreciation but also my sorry for everything she had to endure so far and deep admiration of her, of course.
There is a familiar household saying among people - “There is only one happiness in life, to love and to be loved.” Although I can’t say that she is the successful beloved in a relationship with her ex-husband(or a male), I definitely would like to define her and her life as full of love, success. Because, she has worried through the most important thing in her life - loving herself and her life -, and it, of course, always redounds on her.