Park.Kyeongmin
Smokers' heaven
To be a tobacco man has been my dream since many years ago. The reason is when you choose a company you want to work for, it must produce at least one product or service which is profitable now and it will be in the future, too. I see great opportunities in the field of addictive businesses such as alcohol, digital games, gambles, and tobacco. Of course, all of them might be controversial in some way, but it is undeniable that a great number of people all over the world just can't live without them.
Among the businesses above, tobacco has great advantages over the others. At the moment, most countries don't allow any kind of marketing or advertising programs, which is actually good for tobacco companies. For, in the business world, no advertising means no more competitors, and, moreover, the customer loyalty of cigarette users has no comparison. So, to those few well-known tobacco companies have been enjoying this delicious pie.
Ok, I will stop the boring part here.
The thing is that, nowadays, I feel sad at particularly a kind of news that the government is going to make smoking more difficult. As I'm a smoker myself, finding a smoking zone has become quite a hard job. Also, it is just so painful for me to see innocent smokers puffing in open places shaking their whole body, because of the extremely cold weather. How could I give them a more comfortable smoking experience? I take this as my life-time task, and it will probably be an important job once I start to work for a tobacco company.
Like many others, I also have a mentor, and we call him 'Mr. Hwang'. He is running a blog posting every cigarette brand with his trustful use experience. There are tens of thousands of followers who worship him as a God in this field. He sacrifices his body testing packs of different cigarettes every day to give us these indirect smoking experiences which seem quite direct to us.
One day, he posted a rumor on his blog that there was a really good place for smokers somewhere in Apgujeong. Since he was busy at that time, living far away from Seoul, he wanted someone to go there, see if there actually existed that kind of place, and gave him specific details. I was one of many who took the honorable order.
After my school finished, I left with a victim friend and it was an exciting journey to find a place which was not even on the map. I had some clues that the store was located near Dosan Park and it had got something to do with 'Dunhill'. It was interesting streets where buildings were small but looked very luxurious and there parked lots of foreign makers' sedans.
Contrary to my expectation, I didn't need much time to find it. It was easy, because it was me. From the outside, it looked nothing like a cigarette store. It was a two-story building with big glass front doors and arch windows. The exterior was painted in light beige color, and a signboard was black, wide in length, and had a small red square on its right corner which '1907' was written on. This is the symbol of Dunhill cigarette brand which, I bet, not many people can recognize. To nearby passengers, the store might have looked like a jewelry shop.
As soon as I got into, I felt that the place was like a room very bright and neat which you could find in a spaceship from SF movies. All different kinds of Dunhill cigarettes and cigars were displayed in glass showcase, and also a limited edition called 'My mixture' was only available there, which I thought a great strategy to attract even customers smoking other brands. Also, I noticed incredibly beautiful male shop assistants smiling at me, but when you see the customer proportion of males to females I still don't understand why it should be a man. Anyway, I bought one pack of the limited edition, because it was like a key allowing me to go up to the second floor.
The second floor was completely different. There were several piano finish white tables with red leather couches. We looked around and it was not that big, but it had almost everything. High definition TV, free wifi connection, free IPad rental service, free coffee and fruit drinks, many types of latest magazines, and most of all, a wonderful air ventilation system that allowed you not to worry about cigarette smoke. Also, music from 5 channel speakers made me feel like I was in a club. All these were available with only $5, the price for the limited pack. My friend and I totally enjoyed the rest of that day, and it was a kind of unique place that I could boast to my friends.
Although we have a lot of smoking area in thousands of normal coffee café, but it is like a bird cage making smokers feel awkward. After the visit, I started to think that the government or the tobacco companies should build more places like the one above. And I think that I got a message from up there.
"Boy, this is what you are going to work on, and it will change a lot of things in your society. Well then, good luck."
200702094 Chong rim Yoo
ReplyDelete1. What I liked about your writing is that you have used enough EQUIP structure. The explanations of your writing was very vivid and easy to draw it on my mind. This made me read yout essay with concentration even though it was a pretty long writing. I enjoyed it with excitement. Also your title seems to be just right for your writing great choice:)
2. The topic of your writing seems to be about your dream as working in a tabaco company and also you have focused on introducing the place where you enjoyed and think it will be a great place for the smokers to visit.
3. I liked the part where you explained the interior of the second floor. "High definition TV. free wifi connection..... so on" I could just imagine what a great place it will be.
4. There was not a specific phrase ir part that I least perfer but some of the reader might be against on your idea.
5. Your writing would have been better if you shorten up your introduction. I think it contains too much information which could lead to lose interst. So a introduction with short but effective giving a clue of your writing will make great writing:)
I do want to say thank you for constructive suggestions. I will consider your advices in my final draft.
ReplyDelete200702094 Chong rim Yoo
ReplyDelete- I realized I followed the wrong feedback structure
But I guess he wrote about a place not a person.
Chapter 4, Final draft
ReplyDeletePark.Kyeongmin
Smokers’ heaven
To be a tobacco man has been my dream since many years ago. The reason is when you choose a company you want to work for, it must produce at least one product or service which is profitable now and also it will be in the future. I see great opportunities in the field of addictive businesses such as alcohol, digital games, gambles, and tobacco. Of course, all of them might be controversial in some way, but it is undeniable that a great number of people all over the world just can’t live without them.
That’s why my last three years were entirely focused on the tobacco business. I read dozens of books to learn how to grow the plant, manufacture cigarettes, and market the brand. I regularly checked news articles about the government’s anti-smoking campaigns and wrote down short reviews on my blog, watched documentary films, and interviewed nearby smokers about why they chose to smoke and their brand preferences. Tobacco has become my life.
The thing is that, nowadays, I feel sad at particularly a kind of news that the government is going to make smoking more difficult. As I’m a smoker myself, finding a smoking zone has become quite a hard job. Also, it is just so painful for me to see innocent smokers puffing in open places shaking their whole body, because of the extremely cold weather. How could I give them a more comfortable smoking experience? I take this as my life-time task.
Before I go further, I have to introduce a person. Like many others, I also have a mentor, and we call him ‘Mr. Hwang’. He is running a blog posting every cigarette brand with his trustful use experience. There are tens of thousands of followers who worship him as a God in this field. He sacrifices his body testing packs of different cigarettes every day to give us these indirect smoking experiences which seem quite direct to us.
One day, he posted a rumor on his blog that there was a really good place for smokers somewhere in Apgujeong. Since he was busy at that time, living far away from Seoul, he wanted someone to go there, see if there actually existed that kind of place, and gave him specific details. I was one of many who took the honorable order.
After my school finished, I left with a victim friend and it was an exciting journey to find a place which was not even on the map. I had some clues that the store was located near Dosan Park and it had got something to do with ‘Dunhill’. It was interesting streets where buildings were small but looked very luxurious and there parked lots of foreign makers’ vehicles.
Contrary to my expectation, I didn’t need much time to find it. It was easy, because it was me. From the outside, it looked nothing like a cigarette store. It was a two-story building with big glass front doors and arch windows. The exterior was painted in light beige color, and a signboard was black, wide in length, and had a small red square on its right corner which ‘1907’ was written on. This is the symbol of Dunhill brand which, I bet, not many people can recognize. To nearby passengers, the store might have looked like a jewelry shop.
ReplyDeleteAs soon as I got into, I felt that the place was like a room which you could find in a spaceship from SF movies. The shop was very bright, and full of white color furniture. All different kinds of Dunhill cigarettes and cigars were displayed in glass showcase, and I found that a limited edition called ‘My mixture’ was only available there, which I thought a great strategy to attract customers smoking other brands. Also, I noticed incredibly beautiful male shop assistants smiling, but when you see the customer proportion of males to females I still don’t understand why it should be a man. Anyway, I bought one pack of the limited edition, because it was like a ticket allowing me to go up to the second floor.
The second floor was quite different in terms of decoration and atmosphere. There were several piano finish white tables with red leather couches. We looked around and it was not that big, but it had almost everything. High definition TV, free wifi connection, free IPad rental service, free coffee and fruit drinks, many types of latest magazines, and most of all, a wonderful air ventilation system that allowed you not to worry about your cloth saturated with cigarette smoke. Also, music from 5 channel speakers made me feel like I was in a club. All these were available with only $5, the price for the limited pack. My friend and I totally enjoyed the rest of that day, and it was a very unique place that I had never been before.
I know that we have a lot of smoking zones in thousands of normal coffee café, but it is like a bird cage making smokers feel awkward. After the visit, I started to think that the government or the tobacco companies should build more places like the one above. The visit to the Dunhill shop gave me one possible idea about what a smokers’ heaven is like. And I think that this is a message personally delivered to me.