Meaningless Effort
Memorable experience… Lots of memories pass in my head. Good memories,
bad memories, etc. Age 22, third and fourth semester in Korea, is the time to start and
do 'something'. People decide something big and huge at this time. They find hard
examinations and challenge to them, go to serve in the military, or study abroad to find
the big picture. I set my big picture to Police officer. For this I needed to have the
dedication and commitment to the society. So I decided to do some volunteer work.
I did volunteer work with all my heart at that time. While doing the volunteer
work 2 ~ 3 months, everything was good and happy but the most meaningful
experience was the activity at the Aram Teenager Mentoring Center.
Aram Teenager Mentoring Center is the center for the economically poor and
emotionally ill teenager, which provides various programs to support them. One of those
various programs is one-to-one mentoring program. This program matches teenagers
with college students. After matching up, they do lots of activities to have familiar with
each other. Its purpose is to give those teenagers high–quality education and emotional
stability.
Participating, I was matched with a girl named Park Si Un. She was very hard to
be friends with. She didn't want to talk about herself. She seemed to have many scars on
her mind. I couldn't and shouldn't ask her about the concrete story but I could feel that.
The more I tried to have emotional bond with her, the less intimate we became. Maybe
it was because we had nothing in common. Our backgrounds were contrary to each
other.
So I totally gave up the intimacy. I focused only on the matter of STUDY. It
means I decided to concentrate on the high-quality education and give up the emotional
thing. From that time, I don't know why but our relationship turned far better. In fact
after setting joint goal, we had no time to think the trivial thing. We had things to
achieve. 'Grades'
I taught math. Math is the study of number. In order to do math well,
there are minimum conditions. You need to be close with numbers. Also, you need to
have 'normal' memory. When I teach, I usually get bunch of empty papers on the desk.
With writing basic notions like set and sequence, I explain every inch of them. Finishing,
satisfied, I smile at the paper dense with my writings.
However, Si Un was totally different. Neither could I smile at her nor at my
'notion paper'. First, this poor little girl disliked numbers. She got lots of calculation
mistakes and she could not remember whether she did plus or minus even a second ago.
Second, she had poor memory. She kept asking me same notions I taught in the paper. I
got upset. I didn't know what to do with this girl. I used to get angry and yelled at her.
Friends and seniors thought me strange and said to me on the bus "Why do you
do that to Si Un? She already gave up math. She can't calculate well, you know that." "It
is just volunteer work. Volunteer thing. You know what it means. Seriously, do you like
her?(of course not)" Even in the manager of that center said to me that I need to be
calm down and face the reality. To sum up they kept reminding me that my effort was
meaningless thing.
I think I was a harsh and pushing teacher. I scolded Si Un about the mistakes she made. I was
irritable and short-tempered. Also I didn't praise not a single time. To think of it, I was a
crazy teaching monster. However, she didn't seem to feel bad or scared. In fact she gave
me the impression 'Bring it on'. She had never complained about my teaching style. She
kept studying, I yelled, and on and on.
Time flew like an arrow. It was the 9th meeting. Si Un gave me a piece of paper.
It was a report card which was marked '1'(A+) on the math.
Few months passed. She gave me another paper. It was a certificate for the
university. In fact she was 'choosing' the universities. She asked me "Where do I have to
choose? Deok teacher"
There is no endeavor in the world which is meaningless.
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