First Draft of Chapter#5 Assignment, 200800851 Chanil Kim

Undeniable Memory

             What comes into your mind when you hear the word, war? A war must be like a very horrible and desperate situation where many innocent people die. It is all that I can figure out about a war. Even if I served in the army, I do not have much idea about what a war is actually like. That is simply because I do not come even close to any sort of battle itself. Yet my country has been through many wars before; the older generation might have gotten first-hand war experience. I came to think of hearing directly from someone who experienced a war, and my uncle suddenly came into my head.

             My uncle is a Vietnam veteran. He was in the Marine Corps and applied for the deployment to Vietnam during its war. When I was young, I used to be afraid of him; he tended to say something very loudly and aggressively with his husky voice. In addition, his appearance looked little bit scary to me in part because of his tattoo on his right arm. Thus, I haven't ever considered asking him about his war experience; actually, it seems that he won't tell anybody anything about the story. I thought I could manage to convince him, so I decided to call him.

             When I called him, he didn't seem like he expected my phone call; we hardly have any conversation either on the phone or in person. Yet he welcomed me sincerely saying hello to me. Then I straightforwardly asked him if I could interview him based on his experience of the Vietnam War. His first reaction came through the phone after a short pause, "I guess I got nothing to tell you about that. I don't even remember much about that." He sounded like being embarrassed a bit, and I did expect that he was not willing to talk about his war experience. "Uncle, you don't need to remember all the details. I just want to hear your war experience and feeling about a war itself". I replied as carefully and politely as I can. After thinking about it without any word, he finally said that he would try to answer my questions as thoroughly as possible.

             First of all, I asked him how he happened to go to Vietnam in the first place. He explained that at that time when he applied for the deployment, he was just two weeks away until he would finish his service. Of course, my grandparents harshly opposed what he was going to do. "I didn't listen to my father when he tried to stop me from going to Vietnam. I just felt that I was supposed to participate in the Vietnam War", he said calmly, "I didn't know why I felt like that. Now, I think that I was obsessed with the masculinity of Korean Marine Corps." Next, I asked him, "Uncle, could you please describe how your life was like in Vietnam?" He actually interrupted me before I finished my question saying, "I don't remember exactly what my life in Vietnam was like. It was definitely tough to stay in Vietnam, far away from my home country. One thing I remember clearly is that it was too sweltering there." I asked him if there was any special operation which he was on. "I was on so many operations that it's hard to tell you the detail. Every single operation was somewhat special to me, I guess", he reacted indifferently. He sounded like he refused to talk about actual operations that he was on.

Then I asked him a question that would possibly be sensitive, "Do you regret what you did, by any chance?" He paused for some seconds and answered, "I'm not sure, but sometimes I think that I could have made another choice. I guess I was too young to make a good decision." I replied, "Then what makes you think that you did make a bad decision? Aren't you proud of what you did?" He laughed loudly for seconds and then continued to answer, "Of course, I am really proud of what I did in Vietnam as a Korean marine! What I am trying to say is that now I feel disillusioned with a war itself and that I could definitely avoid being in the middle of the war."

Frankly speaking, the Vietnam War was not our own war. The United States that was at war against the communist axis should prevent the southern Vietnam from being conquered by the northern Vietnam led by the communist party. Such a geopolitical situation made South Korea step into the war as one of America's allies. "I didn't care about political or diplomatic things at all. Even though the situation in Vietnam was very similar with that of Korea after the Second World War, I didn't feel any sympathy. To be honest, I just wanted to show off that I was brave and tough enough to go to the Vietnam War as a marine", he abruptly said.

 The final question was what he thinks about a war itself now. He replied, "I still don't know for sure, but one thing I can surely say is that a war is not good for anyone, even for the winner if there is any winner." He added quietly, "I was on many operations there in Vietnam and killed many Vietnamese soldiers. As coming back to Korea, I was very welcomed and officially rewarded for my service on the Vietnam War. However, I realized that there was nothing to praise or reward. Now I can't avoid thinking that I participated in the war against nobody and came back without any meaning. That's all about a war."

After hanging up the phone, I started to think of why he first hesitated to talk about his war experience. It seems to me that he probably doesn't like to reveal what he did as a Vietnam veteran and how he feels about it. Does he feel guilty or couldn't he just remember his experience like he said? I can just guess that both can be an answer. Conflicts involved in various wars and battles are still happening all around the world, and our own country is technically at war still now. Nonetheless, Koreans who haven't directly experienced a war can't feel how devastating it is. I am still unable to describe what a war might be like even after hearing from one Vietnam veteran, but I think I learned a very important lesson: There is no such a thing like victories at wars: everyone just loses whether they actually win or lose anything like territory.